by What are some of the ways to keep the romance alive in a marriage even after a decade or more? When you’ve been married for ten years or longer, your relationship is likely to seem comfortable and easy, but not scorching hot.
Marriage and love. We tend to believe that because there have been so many songs, novels, and movies about the subject, it should be simple. We don’t give much thought to how to maintain our relationships robustly, so let’s discuss some ideas for keeping love alive.
We’re going to look at five techniques to keep our relationships alive and well. Many of us imagined it would be like the movies or romance novels in which the pair “lived happily ever after” because they were “destined for one other.”
Perhaps, like me, you assumed it would have no effect on your relationship because you had been together for so long and nothing would really alter. Were we ever mistaken! “See me and come live with me are two different things,” as Jamaicans say. That simply implies that sharing a home with someone alters the dynamics of your relationship.
We rapidly understood that marriage was a full-time job with no breaks or days off. We each had a constant houseguest and bedmate, someone to put up with our stinky morning breath, bedhead, and irritable days.
But it doesn’t mean you have to settle for a happy but unfulfilling marriage. Here are some ways to keep the romance alive in marriage. Try these 18 ideas to reignite your love for one another and make you feel frisky again—long after he’s seen you use the restroom and you’ve washed his soiled socks for the hundredth time.
Being married is difficult; being married with children makes it even more difficult. It’s challenging, but it’s also gratifying in more ways than one. Here are five strategies to keep your love for each other alive, whether you’re in the early stages of real love or in the midst of a difficult period:
We must put in the effort if we want our marriages to be healthy and joyful. That requires coming up with fresh methods to interact with your spouse while maintaining a high degree of closeness. Our marriage suffers from a lack of closeness.
Ways to keep the romance alive in marriage
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Here are some ways to keep the romance alive in marriage:
1. Prioritize your spouse
It’s understandable for parents to prioritize their children, but remember that showing your children what it’s like to be in a loving relationship helps everyone! So when you arrive home, kiss your spouse first.” When novelist Ayelet Waldman declared she loved her spouse more than her children, she was correct “Dr. Kat agrees.
“Her reasoning was that she intentionally picked her spouse, and that romantic love must be distinguished from parental love. And it’s because of this perspective that she and her husband have had a very active sex life for the past 24 years.”
2. Dinner should be shared
It’s easy to neglect this routine due to hectic schedules, but dining together (without the TV) assures that you’ll catch up and talk, which is the cornerstone of any successful romance. “Sit down, put away your phones, switch off the TV, close your laptop, and chat,” Jacq advises. Also, maintain eye contact. “Remember when you first met and couldn’t take your gaze away from each other?” she asks. “Try it one more and see what happens.”
3. Communicate with one another
We neglect to have dialogues as married couples far too frequently. Now, I’m not talking about bills or what the kids are up to. That’s crucial, but chats should also contain information about what’s going on in each other’s lives.
Inquire about your spouse’s day and what’s upsetting them. Let them know what’s bothering you. Dream dreams (even if they’re implausible, like winning the lotto, which you’re not going to purchase). My spouse and I are well-known for our fictional vacations and dinners. From time to time, even our kid joins in the fun (smile).
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4. Tell about your fantasies
Talking with your spouse about the things that turn you on might lead to new possibilities. “Knowing what your spouse fantasizes about might be a good starting point for filthy chat,” Jacq explains. “It can also offer you some ideas for things you would wish to bring from the realm of fantasy to the actual world.”
You don’t have to divulge all of your fantasies, but being more honest in bed will make you happier in the long term. (Do you think your fantasy is a little too far out there? Don’t worry, sex therapists have seen everything.)
5. Prioritize your spouse
It’s understandable for parents to prioritize their children, but remember that showing your children what it’s like to be in a loving relationship helps everyone! So when you arrive home, kiss your spouse first.” When novelist Ayelet Waldman declared she loved her spouse more than her children, she was correct “Dr. Kat agrees.
“Her reasoning was that she intentionally picked her spouse, and that romantic love must be distinguished from parental love. And it’s because of this perspective that she and her husband have had a very active sex life for the past 24 years.”
6. Allow yourself to be spontaneous
The excitement of trying something new might rekindle the fire in your relationship. Consider going jet skiing, visiting a new brewery, or exploring a new neighborhood—whatever thrills you both. Dr. Kat adds, “Research has proven that spontaneity is a crucial component of happy, long-term partnerships.”
7. Get more sex
You’re taking the first step in ensuring that you and your lover keep the passion alive by maintaining a healthy and regular sex life. “Acting as though you’re seeking sex only to get the sexual energy up might sometimes give you both the jump-start that helps build a new habit,” Dr. Kat explains. “Additionally, having sex on a regular basis will help to balance your hormones, increasing your desire for sex. Sex breeds more sex.”
8. Accept separate interests
When you have a life aside from your spouse, you have something to speak about when you do get together, and that little piece of mystery can be quite enticing. “According to therapist David Scnarch, being excessively involved with your spouse can generate conflicts between you and contribute to a lack of enthusiasm in sex,” Dr. Kat says. “However, both of you will be better fulfilled if you can retain some distinction.”
9. Maintain a high body temperature
Not only would it satisfy your companion if you attempt to look your best, whether it’s updating your haircut and clothes or working out a few times a week, but it will also enhance your self-confidence. Dr. Kat Van Kirk, resident relationship/sex specialist at Adam & Eve and author of The Married Sex Solution:
A Realistic Guide to Saving Your Sex Life, says, “Making an effort to freshen up your look on a regular basis may help you get in the mood and demonstrates that you care about and appreciate yourself.”
10. Keep an eye on each other’s efforts
Seeing your lover perform what they’re good at is the ultimate turn-on. When your spouse is in their element, pay attention—hot! it’s “Most of us are different at work than at home,” Jacq explains, “so seeing your partner work might help them re-discover themselves.” “Mystery and suspense serve to raise the temperature in the bedroom.”
11. Make it a dating night
Even if it seems obvious, arranging a one-on-one time with your spouse is critical for sustaining your love connection, especially if you have small children. “Taking time to enjoy your couple-hood is an investment in your relationship that benefits the entire family,” says Dr. Kat, who thinks that happy parents come from happy couples (science says so, too).
12. Together, you will learn new things
Complacency is one of the worst things that may happen to a married pair. We become more at ease in our relationships and with our partners. We might become so engrossed in the daily routines that we become trapped in a rut and find life to be monotonous.
Our marriage, as well as our family and friends, suffers. Learning new things is one approach to fighting this. You may have different hobbies, which is OK; nevertheless, if both of you commit to learning something new and sharing it with each other, you’ll be astonished at how much you’ll learn.
13. Make friends with your peers
Enroll in a class that both of you are interested in. You and your spouse will grow together if you study together, whether it’s French or yoga. If you want to improve your sex life, try these stretches. “Learning alongside your spouse helps you learn new things about them and how they connect with the environment,” Jacq explains. “That ‘newness’ has the potential to elicit romantic sentiments.” If you’re looking for a unique (This is just one of the many simple ways you can divorce-proof your relationship.)
14. Get a little flirtatious
Stop taking your partner for granted and return to the tactics that initially drew their attention to you. They’ll return the favor after you’ve done so. “Remember how hard each of you worked to attract each other’s attention,” Dr. Kat advises. “It might help you remember the spark that drew you together, whether it was a seductive message or some innuendo.”
15. Feeling nostalgic?
Take a journey down memory lane with your partner to recall the wonderful memories that drew you two together in the first place. “We need to get creative about how to revive that mystery as we spend more time in a relationship and feel increasingly comfortable and solid,” Jacq explains. “Reawakening those sentiments might be as simple as doing something we did at the start of the relationship.”
Remembering what piqued your attention or made you laugh together in the past might help you bring those happy, loving sensations into your present day. Now is the time to start generating new memories that you’ll be able to talk about for years to come.
16. Prepare ahead of time
Even if a vacation to Barcelona isn’t in the cards right now, imagining the possibilities is one way to become enthusiastic about life with your spouse. So dream big, and do it with your friends. “Make a vision board by flipping through a magazine or printing out photographs from your favorite websites,” says sex educator Jacq Jones. “Making your idea a tangible reality brings it one step closer to being a reality.”
17. Have a good time with foreplay
It’s easy to let sex become automatic when you’ve been with someone for a long time. By concentrating on foreplay, you can be sure you’ll be experiencing it—and connected with each other. “As we get older, foreplay becomes increasingly more crucial,” Jacq explains. “With age, everyone’s sexual response cycle slows down, thus physical reaction may require more intense stimulation.” To put it another way, take your time and enjoy it.
18. Make contact with one another
Touch has a lot of power, so don’t underestimate it. A little touch on the arm or an embrace may go a long way toward keeping the two of you connected. “Random personal contact can make you both feel more linked by reinforcing spontaneity and increasing your oxytocin levels,” explains Dr. Kat. And it’ll make you more likely to get it on—like in these 7 situations where passionate sex is required.
19. Have a good time together
Keep in mind what drew you together in the first place. I’m guessing it wasn’t your ability to balance a checkbook or create a budget. Relive or reminisce about the good days. Plan a video game marathon for your hubby if he enjoys them. Watch tearjerker movies with your wife if she likes them.
Pretend you’re still in a relationship. Make a date to spend time together. When you have children, it’s crucial to spend time as a family, but it’s equally important to spend time as a pair. Spending quality time with each other is one of the finest methods to keep your love for each other alive.
20. Simply kiss
Kissing is a more personal activity than intercourse in some respects, yet it’s one many long-term partners overlook. So, while your husband isn’t looking, plant one on him—and then do it again. “Try making out on the couch for an evening,” Jacq recommends. “Make the decision that intercourse is off the table and concentrate on making out. Take a look at where that leads you!”
21. Serve God together
learning more about religion is one of the most amazing things a couple can do together. Pray with one another. Read what he has to say. We were made for his glory, and having a really intimate relationship with Him transforms us.
As we get closer to the Almighty, our capacity to love one another grows. God is love, and it is reflected in everything he touches. Allow the individual to be who they are. Many of us believed that when we married, we would be able to alter the minor things that irritated or disturbed us, but the fact is that the only thing we can change is our attitude.
Only we have the ability to transform ourselves. Allowing our spouses to be themselves is the finest thing we can do. After all, this is the person with whom you married and decided to spend the rest of your life.
22. Show your gratitude
This may seem obvious, yet it’s easy to overlook. Put your spouse’s favorite juice in the fridge or surprise them with a sincere thank you as a small gesture to remind each other that you care. According to Dr. Kat, “being mindful and sympathetic to your spouse demonstrates that you’re paying attention to their wishes.” “This works well in the bedroom and mimics how you would desire to be treated.”
Take away
Make each other laugh. Allow your lover to see the nerdy side of you. You’ve made the decision to spend the rest of your life with this person, so it’s perfectly acceptable to let your hair down now and again.
Reminisce about your childhood. What were some of your favorite activities as a kid? Try them out on your partner. Re-watch your favorite films. With your companion, visit the sites you visited as a youngster.
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